"DECIDE WHAT YOU WANT'

During November, and much of December I had given up reading the "Self-Improvement" books I loaded onto my Kindle after Jay suggested I read them.  Giving them up wasn't a conscious decision but simply a matter of time and faulty prioritization. Over the weekend, I re-ordered myself, printed out a new "To Do" list and, for fifteen minutes this morning, picked up Jack Canfield's The Success Principles.  

I had stopped reading Canfield's book when I reached Chapter 3, which is titled: "Decide What You Want."  No reason--it's just where I quit.  After I read the first few pages this morning which detailed all of the reasons we seem to end up not doing what we really want to do in both major and not-so-major life decisions, Jack Canfield got down to the nitty-gritty.

As we begin this process of deciding what we want--what we really want, Jack (I like to call him Jack) writes that whenever we are "confronted with a choice, no matter how small or insignificant" we must stand tall and choose.  He says that giving up choice in order to please others is a habit.  And we can break a habit simply by reversing it.  No more "Whatever you'd like," or "I don't care," or "Whatever works for you."  We must choose.  Even if it really doesn't matter.  Feed the habit. 

At this point in my reading, I was feeling fairly empowered, and it wasn't even noon yet.  Now, this was not a short chapter and I was only a few pages in, but I was up for Jack's first exercise.  BC was gathering lunch possibilities out of the refrigerator and asked what I would like to eat.  Normally, I would answer, "I'm good with anything, what would you like?"  But, with my new found principle, I thought for a minute and said, "I'll split the tuna salad with you."

Whoa!  That was big.  In a split-second my 70-year old brain had worked out a preference, and in order not to be seen as piggish and selfish, offered to share the tuna salad...even though, secretly, I wanted it all.  But--I know in my heart of hearts, it's progress, not perfection.  Yesterday, I wouldn't have gone nearly that far.  Tomorrow or next week I may go farther.  Progress is good.

I know from skipping ahead in Canfield's book, and from a seminar I recently completed, knowing what you want--really want--is not nearly as easy as you might think.  It takes a great deal of thought and even more commitment and practice.  My tuna salad success at lunch is very small in the general scheme of things, but there will be more tiny victories that, once achieved, will lead to bigger victories. And I will indeed begin to ferret out what it is I do want to do or be in the years I have left, and just as importantly--what I need to do to achieve that goal.  Life is exciting.  Even when you're old-er.