In our neighborhood, we have a variety of little newspapers and magazines filled with advertisements designed just for us. Us being "Active Adults," poorly disguised code for "Old".
"DON'T DIE IN YOUR BATHROOM!" God knows, I really hope I don't die in my bathroom, especially before I get rid of the ten-year-old bargain basement towels we're trying to wear out prior to popping for the Pottery Barn set. This ad promises its readers that "NOW YOU CAN MAINTAIN YOUR LIFESTYLE AND STILL BE SAFE IN YOUR BATHROOM!" simply by installing a walk-in tub. I don't know...I still see some possible problems, but maybe that's just me.
Next is the neighborhood Funeral Chapel and Cremation Center that will "FORWARD OUT-OF-STATE." Unfortunately, I can only assume it will be me they are forwarding out-of-state, and can I be sure my kids gave the FC&CC the correct address? They're wonderful children, but there's still a little nagging concern.
Farther down the page, I spot a Private Investigator who specializes in "INSURANCE FRAUD, MORTGAGE FRAUD", and "ADULTRY" (sic). You may laugh at that, but let me tell you, in the mid-1990s Sun City West suffered a huge adultery outbreak that made national news and still raises eyebrows today. And...Sun City West is where I picked up the little paper this morning.
On a more solemn note, the local flower shop is proud to be "SPECIALIZING IN SYMPATHY DESIGNS FOR FAMILY, FRIENDS AND CORPORATIONS". Do people send flowers when a Corporation goes face down? Considering the "Citizens United" Supreme Court decision, it could be and we're overlooking a profitable niche market.
And, finally, (I've got to quit because God may consider this whole exercise pretty tacky) the "GENTAL (sic) WOMAN DENTIST" who offers "PAINLESS DENTISTRY FOR SENIORS." Under 65? Brace Yourself!
Margie
All quotes from "Coffee News", September 29, 2014.
Lol!
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